so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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