i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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