i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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