I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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