i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
