is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
