If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
