Screwed.edu
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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