Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have tasted many bathrooms
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
