No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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