I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
