And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
