sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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