I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
