btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
