I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I smell like Dick and happiness
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
