Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She's the barista slut.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
