im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
