i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
