Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
