We're like a lot better than the average bears
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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