So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
