my sisters under your porch take her home
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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