he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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