he referred to my room as the tit cave...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
