She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
