i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
