she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
