I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize