Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
