I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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