another moral hangover. fuck.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
