I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
