Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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