Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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