i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
