You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
