Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
