I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
