Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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