Your face is a jimmy john
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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