i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
