Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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