Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
