No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize
