Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
