You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
