just come out here and I will go home with you...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
