let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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