Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
