I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
