Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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