My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
