My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
