I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize