What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
