There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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