theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
