Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
