oh god the rape fog is back!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
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I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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