dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
