I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize