do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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