if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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