We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
