Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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