the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
