just tell him i said nine months
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
