Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
