I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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