Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you had me at cake vodka
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
