we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
